Do you guys ever feel like no matter how hard you try to control certain aspects of your life it just WON’T work? There’s a lot of things going on behind the scenes lately and it really is just plain ol’ exhausting. I feel like I could nap for 3 years and I hate napping. My mind has been wandering a lot lately, thinking about past scenarios and how I wish I reacted differently (don’t you hate that), also stressing out about ones that haven’t even happened yet – imagining them in my mind and practicing what I’m going to say, even though I know this is a horrible thing to do I can’t stop freakin doing it. No matter how much journaling I do or how much damn meditation I’ve practiced this past week all of my issues just still seem to be swarming around in my head 24/7. It’s funny no matter how much you read or prepare yourself to handle situations it’s always so much harder when you’re in the moment attempting to actually handle it. Who woulda thought.
But this morning I started to take what I’ve learned into consideration and you know practice what I preach. No matter whats going on in your life, the moment you realize you have absolutely no control over any of it – it kind of makes all of your worrying seem just a lil bit silly. The only thing I have complete control over is my perspective, I’ve read like 1242847 pages about perspective before and I always knew that but I’ve never been in the position where I had to actually practice it this much and omf it’s hard.
There’s been small things that have been testing my damn patience like getting lost on the way to our house in Florida where we ended up being an extra hour outside of our place, or not getting that certain job when I really thought I was going to, but no – I’m talking like life changing shit aka what do I want to do with my life, where do I want to live in a year? Should I travel? Should I work? Where should I work? So. Many. Questions. This morning I woke up and I’ve realized how much time and energy I’m wasting stressing out about the past and things that haven’t even happened yet when I could be using all of that energy to focus on being thankful for the most amazing people in my life already and where I am now, my life is pretty fckn awesome already, and here I was sitting in my sweatpants eating nachos saying poor me, like Heather get over yourself. I found myself playing the victim card hard this week and thank god I caught myself because it’s been a long one and I am sooo ready to change that.
No matter the size of your dilemma, big or small, just make sure you remember – it takes so much of your time and energy to constantly be angry and upset at the world. You know the whole “why is this my life” and “why is everyone against me” BS. At the end of the day what does that even get you? Literally nothing. Instead of using all of that energy to stay angry and play the victim use it to get ahead. What else could you be doing that you could actually benefit from?